For me, trust is something that must be learned. This lesson has not been easy for me. My subconscious brain learned, through experiencing childhood trauma, that the only person I could trust was me. And so I became extremely self-reliant. If I ask for help, I place my trust in others and risk disappointment.
To mitigate against my anxiety, which is fear of the unknown, I spent much of my life trying to keep myself safe by trying to plan every tiny detail. But complete control is an illusion. Life is chaotic. Change is the only certainty.
Unitarianism does not give you answers, but rather supports you as you ask the questions. As I step into faith, I step into trust. I let go of the need to be in control of every little detail. I embrace the Great Mystery. It is a relief not have to try to understand everything or to want to know exactly how things are going to work out. I am able to give trust freely, not knowing whether it will be repaid.
Last weekend, while on retreat, I reflected on how far I have come on the journey of trust. When my husband texted me, asking about my plans for the day, I replied that I had no idea and that it was liberating not knowing what was going to happen.
Later that day I was ‘initiated’ into the group by being anointed. Such intimacy would have made me very uncomfortable a few years ago. But last weekend, through trust, I opened my heart to receive love, in one of the most tender and blissful experiences of my life.
Cherish Your Doubts by Michael A Schuler
“Cherish your doubts, for doubt is the servant of truth. Question your convictions, for beliefs too tightly held strangle the mind and its natural wisdom. Suspect all certitudes, for the world whirls on—nothing abides. Yet in our inner rooms full of doubt, inquiry and suspicion, let a corner be reserved for trust. For without trust there is no space for communities to gather or for friendships to be forged. Indeed, this is the small corner where we connect—and reconnect—with each other.”
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